Vale: Lorraine Stokes nee Hillman

Lorraine June Stokes

born 1 June 1932 Mt Barker, SA

died 24 April 2009 Mt Barker, SA

Loved wife of Wally. Mother and mother-in-law of Julie, Yvonne & Peter, Brett, Lee-Anne & Steve, Timothy (decd.), Patti & Tony. Fondly remembered by Ros.

Grandmother to Lincoln & Kellie; Alyssa, Renee & Felicity; Hilary & Emaley; Amy-Lee, Chad, Brodie & Duane; and Jaime-Lea.

Great grandmother of Tahlia, Joshua, Tyrone, Kasey, Tre & Phoebe; Laura & Hannah; Rosalie; Shayleigh, Kayla & Deegan.

Why can't I see what's going on?

It has been exactly three weeks since I wrote anything in here. That doesn't mean that things are any better than they were three weeks ago though. Quite the contrary. I am still not coping with stuff very well. Small things piss me off beyond reason.

Yesterday I screamed like a banshee at my grandson when he sneaked quietly up behind my chair while I was trying to do some work on my computer. He didn't say anything, but stood just behind my chair making stupid noises - very quietly but loud enough for me to hear what he was saying. There weren't any real words, just silly little kid jibber. But it cut through my already low concentration like a knife through butter. My reaction to him was totally unreasonable. I should not have yelled like I did at him. He was only trying to get my attention.

If I can see this when I write about it, why can't I see it when stuff happens to piss me off and send me back down the tunnel to play with the black dog again?

Slow Progress

I have been lazy. I haven't written in here for about a month now, but much has been happening to drive me insane - more so than I was before. I thought I was making some progress then all hell broke loose and tipped me off the edge again.

To try and help myself with the anxiety and depression, I have been seeing a psychologist once a fortnight for a while now. He is good. Session before last he tried hypnosis to help me relax. I am supposed to listen to the tape twice a day since then, but haven't even managed to do it once yet. Too much going on - too many distractions - too much noise and too many migraines to even attempt it. How can I concentrate with Kasey yelling and screaming all the time and swearing at his computer game because the bad guys killed him!

The cap off on the past few weeks has been the death of my beloved mother on April 24th. She had cancer. I am sorry she is gone, but know that she is at peace now and not in any more pain. We buried her on Friday May 1st in what was an absolutely moving and fitting tribute to her life. She was an amazing lady, my Mum. I will miss her a lot, but know that she is with me always - can't help but be - I see her everytime I look in a mirror.