Another day is breaking outside, and I have been awake since 3:30am - can't sleep at night very well because of the pain in my back and hips - and probably because I sleep so much during the day due to the medication I am on. The rest of the household is still sound asleep. I wish I was too, but I have always been the same - once my eyes are open, I am wide awake and it takes a lot to get back to sleep again. Not being able to get comfortable makes it hard to rest properly too. No wonder I look like I'm about 70 instead of 50 on the really bad days.
The frustration of not being able to do simple stuff around the house is getting to me badly. I feel guilty because I can't bend down to unload the dishwasher - so the dishes rack up on the sink and the bench until I can't stand the sight of them any longer and have to physically hurt myself to unload and reload the dishwasher and to clean the bench and sink down. A simple task you say - for you maybe, but not for me. What used to take only a few minutes to do can now take me several hours!! It hurts like hell to bend down to remove the clean dishes from the washer, and it hurts just as much to bend down again to reload it. Doing the dishes in the sink is not an option either. By the time I fill the sink and wash maybe two or three plates, I need to go and sit down, because the standing for even that brief amount of time makes my back hurt badly. By the time I have recovered enough to go back to the kitchen to give it another go, the water is cold and I have to start all over again! So much for water conservation in this house.
It is just as bad in the laundry. I will put a load of washing on to wash and because I can't carry the basket, I need to make numerous trips out to the clothes airer which we have set up on the verandah so that I don't have to make the trek down the back yard to the clothes line. Each trip to the airer carries only a couple of items of washing at a time. It is tiring and after a couple of trips, I need to sit down again - or lay down even - and if I do that I often fall asleep. By the time I wake up the washing has been sitting in the machine for hours and smells musty and needs to be rewashed - more wasting of water, soap powder and electricity!!
The simple stuff is what gets to me the most - getting dressed in the mornings - putting my clothes on - especially shoes and socks - so now I don't wear any, and when winter comes round again, I will live in my ugg boots because it hurts too much to put shoes and socks on! The every day stuff that we all take for granted. Actually, you know what hurts more than anything else? Wiping my backside after going to the toilet! The twisting movement to reach and wipe causes so much pain that it often brings tears to my eyes! If someone had told me that a few years ago I would have laughed myself stupid at the thought - not any more. Now I know better. I used to think that having a bidet was only for the rich and famous and swanky hotels - you have no idea how many times I have wished that we had one in our loo.
The frustration of not being able to do simple stuff around the house is getting to me badly. I feel guilty because I can't bend down to unload the dishwasher - so the dishes rack up on the sink and the bench until I can't stand the sight of them any longer and have to physically hurt myself to unload and reload the dishwasher and to clean the bench and sink down. A simple task you say - for you maybe, but not for me. What used to take only a few minutes to do can now take me several hours!! It hurts like hell to bend down to remove the clean dishes from the washer, and it hurts just as much to bend down again to reload it. Doing the dishes in the sink is not an option either. By the time I fill the sink and wash maybe two or three plates, I need to go and sit down, because the standing for even that brief amount of time makes my back hurt badly. By the time I have recovered enough to go back to the kitchen to give it another go, the water is cold and I have to start all over again! So much for water conservation in this house.
It is just as bad in the laundry. I will put a load of washing on to wash and because I can't carry the basket, I need to make numerous trips out to the clothes airer which we have set up on the verandah so that I don't have to make the trek down the back yard to the clothes line. Each trip to the airer carries only a couple of items of washing at a time. It is tiring and after a couple of trips, I need to sit down again - or lay down even - and if I do that I often fall asleep. By the time I wake up the washing has been sitting in the machine for hours and smells musty and needs to be rewashed - more wasting of water, soap powder and electricity!!
The simple stuff is what gets to me the most - getting dressed in the mornings - putting my clothes on - especially shoes and socks - so now I don't wear any, and when winter comes round again, I will live in my ugg boots because it hurts too much to put shoes and socks on! The every day stuff that we all take for granted. Actually, you know what hurts more than anything else? Wiping my backside after going to the toilet! The twisting movement to reach and wipe causes so much pain that it often brings tears to my eyes! If someone had told me that a few years ago I would have laughed myself stupid at the thought - not any more. Now I know better. I used to think that having a bidet was only for the rich and famous and swanky hotels - you have no idea how many times I have wished that we had one in our loo.
I am hoping that my son will be considerate of his mother today, and look after his own son for the day, giving me a much needed break. I have Kasey here 24/7 - and my son lives with us too, but I look after him while Linc is working or doing whatever it is he does when he is not at home. He can be a handful, and I get so frustrated with the poor little bugger that I end up yelling at him for no good reason, other than the fact that I am pissed of with myself. He is a normal little 4 year old kid - into everything and as inquisitive as all get out. But Nan gets angry with him because he chucks his toys around the place, bangs them on anything and on each other, making more noise than my sleep deprived brain sees as reasonable.
Last week we had to take him up to the hospital because while I was in one of my drug induced sleeps during the day, Kasey helped himself to some of my medication- nothing too bad though - and he is fine. But it scared the hell out of me. What if he took some of the strong stuff - what if he put my patches on himself - that could kill him quite easily as he is as allergic to fentanyl as I am to morphine! I can't put into words the fear I felt when I realised what he had done.
So you can understand how it happened, let me explain - I had put my patches on about 2 hours prior to this happening. It takes about that long for the sleepiness to kick in. Kasey was playing a game on his dad's x-box and called out to me to come and watch him, so like the dutiful and attentive Nan that I try to be, I went into the lounge room and sat on the couch to watch him play. Before I knew what was happening, I had falled asleep. I don't think I was actually asleep that long, but it was long enough for him to sneak out to the kitchen and climb up to where the medicines are kept and help himself to the paracetamol, cold and flu tablets, and a couple of my Zoloft depression medication. He took himself back to the lounge and climbed up into the lazyboy chair and went to sleep himself. The phone ringing woke me up, and as I was using the walkabout, I went out to the kitchen to get better reception - and noticed the meidcation packets all over the floor. I cut the phone call short immediately and went into the lounge to wake him up - it took me nearly 15 minutes to get him to wake up. I was so scared that he had seriously hurt himself when I couldn't wake him up. I rang Heather at work and asked her to ring Linc, because I couldn't think of his number in my frantic state. He came straight home and took him to the hospital.
But it doesn't end there. About an hour later I got an abusive phone call from my son ordering me to go to the hospital and sit with Kasey, because it was my fault that he was there anyway! He had "things to do" and since it was my fault, I "best get up here and sit with my son, since you are the cause of him being here." Great... now I have my son blaming me for Kasey getting into stuff. I wish Linc would realise that the things that Kasey does are attention seeking - his attention, not mine or anyone elses. If he spent a bit more time with the kid instead of pissing on with his mates, it would be alright and the poor little bugger wouldn't do half the crap that he does. Seven hours later, I was allowed to go home when my son arrived back at the hospital. No consideration was given to my physical well being at all during this ordeal either.
So, as this new day arrives, I am sitting here contemplating what I will try to accomplish today. The dishes maybe; or maybe a load of washing. Heather is home today, so at least I will have some help from her quarter. Oh well..... time to patch up and face the day....
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