It was not a good day yesterday - at all. Kasey was a nightmare all day, I had a rotten migraine -again, and nothing went right all day. Then to top it off I had a meeting to go to last night and I ended up leaving half way through because I just couldn't handle it anymore. I really do not like where my mind is sitting at the present moment.
I am scared that I am going to hurt someone. And it will probably be either myself or Kasey. He drives me insane and I can't seem to get away from this horrible feeling. He is only a little kid, but the stuff he gets into is unbelievable for a four year old to be doing. Yesterday he smashed a double adapter power board by dropping an old broken laptop on it and smashing it. Then while it was still plugged into power he pulled it apart - how he wasn't electrocuted I don't know!! He managed to trip the earth leakage circuit though and turned off all the power in the house!
My anger levels went through the roof, and even though I took myself out of the room and away from the situation, I still couldn't escape the horrible feeling of wanting to wring his neck. Because I feel this way at the moment, I am glad that Colleen is here, because if she wasn't, I don't know what I would be capable of doing.
I don't mean that I deliberately want to hurt Kasey, I don't. I love the poor little bugger to bits, he is the only one of my grandsons that I ever see. I just mean that because I feel so damned low and depressed about everything else that is going on in my life, I just snap at the slightest provocation and lash out without thinking. And I can't help it. As I said before, I don't like where my head is at right now. It frightens me. I am scared I am going to do something that I will seriously regret for the rest of my life, and I don't know what to do about it.
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