Just Another Day

Not a lot happened yesterday really. All in all my day wasn't too bad. Pain wise it was managable - although towards the end of the day I was really feeling it. Mentally - well - that's another story. Kasey drove me insane again with his abhorrent behaviour. I really am at my wits end with that boy. I know it is only for a few more weeks, but I don't know if I can hang on that long. I have started watching the clock in the mornings lately and thinking to myself that it is however long until the nightmare strikes. I know this is irrational but I can't help it. In the afternoons I find myself watching the clock and thinking that it is only however long until his father comes home and gives me some peace, but then I turn that around to the negative as well, because I don't get any peace then either because there is still dinner to get for him, bath to give him and then to put him to bed -stuff his father should be doing but isn't - he leaves it all to me. And then when I chastise the kid for doing something wrong, I get screamed at for doing it. I simply can't win. All I get is the "leave my kid alone. I'm his father and you have no right to tell him off!" Well, excuse me, but who the hell does he think is looking after the kid all day long - it sure as hell isn't him! He goes off and does whatever it is he does and leaves the kid here. What does he expect me to do? Leave the punishment for the stuff the kid does wrong until he gets home? I don't think so! That is not the way kids learn for a start. He wasn't brought up that way, and I sure as hell am not going to let the little bugger run ferral around the place like he does! I am starting to scare myself when I do have to chastise Kasey. I am scared that I will hurt him if he does something really wrong. My patience is all but gone completely with him. The simplest things bug me no end. Stupid things - like rustling of plastic bags, banging his toys together - just every day kid stuff - but it annoys the hell out of me, and I can't control it anymore. I don't know if I can hang on until next week when I have my appointment with the psychologist. I am scared that I am going to snap and do something that I will well and truely regret later. But I can't get that through my son's head either. What the hell am I supposed to do?